Should I Consider a Doula for the Next Birth?

I wasn't sleeping one night and thought about all the birth stories I had heard from moms - when they went through labor the first time and came out of it with a bad memory of the experience.  So I put together a poem as if I was a mom thinking about having another child.  Here is my poem.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so they say

So why don’t I feel about my birth the right way.

That moment was supposed to be so treasured for life

But is only a memory of trauma and strife.

I know my son is healthy and for that I am grateful

But the memory of his birth is still very painful

I thought I was so prepared for what I would face

But then labor started with an out of control pace.

The classes, the books, all our desires became a blur

As I fell into a mindset where I felt so unsure

I didn’t know what to do, what to ask for, my rights

And the end result felt like a cascade of frights.

So next time how do I make the day more cherished.

Wait, am I crazy, I felt I almost perished.

No, that’s not true, and my boy is so amazing.

Another precious child is definitely my craving.

So what can I do this time that last time I didn’t try.

Is there a different class or a book I can buy?

All my friends’ birth stories are locked in my head.

How do I move past all the fear and the dread.

I’ve heard that a doula can give you great aid

Can help when your worried, or frustrated or afraid

She can  remind you of positions and choices you could make.

But the decision is still mine, this is my journey to take.

My husband and mother can make me feel bold.

They will not be replaced by a doula, I’m told.

The room will feel calmer, peaceful, and informed.

Isn’t that what I wanted when my first son was born?

I’m feeling stronger about this, what I’d really like to do

I know I can speak up and should be listened to

That my voice really matters – wow my thinking has changed.

I’m now looking forward to childbirth again.

So perhaps I’ll look into doula support for this birth,

And I’ll talk to my husband and explain why she’s worth

Bringing her into our team, a doula will lighten our journey.

With my husband and a doula I can have a wonderful memory.

Long, Long Labors

Have you ever heard  mom say, "I was in labor for 3 days" and you wonder, "How is that possible?"  or more often "Poor lady"....  Technically, medically the medical field does not like to start the clock counting until the contractions are so close and strong that you feel you have to head in to get help.

I however have always felt that the clock started when a mom has to deal with contractions which continue on until a baby arrives.  Contractions, even l5 minutes apart, can interrupt your sleep, eating, life cycle.  Everything takes a back door to a normal life once labor contractions start - no matter how hard you are trying NOT to focus on them.

I have been a part of supporting moms through days of contractions - but in the end, once the baby is in your arms - the process becomes a distant number - impressive absolutely - but a number.  That is why we are able to have another baby - to consider the possibility that a sibling would be a great plan....

Of course, once you are pregnant again, you suddenly realize you will again be going through labor.  My hope is that you consider getting professional labor support so that your birth memory will be a wonderful memory - even when it takes several days.  Labor brings our children to our arms so don't be afraid of the journey.

Memories

Ask any mom about her childbirth and she will have "snapshot" memories of moments during the process.  I know for my own first birth - I can remember being pushed past the waiting area on their way to get me to the delivery room and I saw a few of my dearest friends who had waited all night to support me in the birth of my first precious boy.  I also have no memory of my husband telling me they were opening a donut shop in the town soon - he said he told me this to encourage me during labor as he knew I loved donuts.  Such selective snapshot memories....

Birth is that way - our own endorphins drug us down to forget so much of it.  Unfortunately,  many moms' memories are of small traumatic, unsupported, unheard moments.  So her overall memory of the birth can be a negative one.   That story - told over and over again to expectant moms - can produce such an atmosphere of fear.

I actually started to pursue doula support decades ago to help correct this "memory".  I have seen the benefit of labor support in producing great "snapshot moments" of a birth for a laboring family.  Adding a few well chosen photographic moments can only enhance that memory.  Since we live with our birth stories in our memory, my hope is that having a doula will reframe your experience into a memory you will look forward to telling over and over again - with a smile on your face! Here's to good memories!