Dad's Role When a Doula Is Present

I think many dads are very unfamiliar with the role of a doula in their upcoming births.  So they may be apprehensive as to how everything will work - how will they be a coach when a professional one has been brought into the room?

I would like to stress that the dad is irreplaceable!  I approach a birth assuming the dad is the coach - and want to strengthen that bond of support with his laboring partner.  A doula is trying to figure out how to help the room feel comfortable and relaxed, while not being an imposing presence to disturb the partners.

I know there are times in a birth where I sit in a corner trying to be obscure  or leave the room so that the two laboring people can spend some quiet time together - or I'm running to get the dad coffee or food or update family so that they have some privacy.

I also know little techniques that can help a mom feel more comfortable in the process and like to show these to the dad so that he can now be an even stronger support person.   His presence is so important to the laboring mom - so it is his hand she wants to hold, his touch she wants to feel. A doula  adds to the support from a female communication point - woman-to-woman speech is very different than man-to-woman so hearing a person who has not only labored but seen it hundreds of times can help a laboring mom feel listened to or comforted.  But it never replaces the presence or support of the dad. I have seen hundreds of dads work through labor - and have always felt they did an amazing job.  They are essential to the room. I realize that is not true of a doula to every birth.  But ask a couple what their experience was with doula support - and you will usually get an enthusiastic birth story from both partners.

So basically - what is the dad's role when a doula is present - it did not change - it is to be the support person - the one the laboring mom leans on during this intense process, if that is the couple's desire.  A doula's role is to support the laboring unit - not to replace anyone.  I hope more dads will feel comfortable adding a doula to THEIR birth team and in the end feel both of their birth experiences were enhanced by her presence.