Recently I heard from a mom that I had worked with more than once and what I remember the most from her births is her "quiet confidence"....so I have tried to encourage other families to imitate that feeling.
What do I mean by "quiet confidence"? When she entered the hospital, she felt secure in her knowledge of her baby inside her. Not that she didn't follow medical direction in most cases, she wanted a safe birth. But when a decision had to be made with her medical team - if she safe and wanted more time for things to progress or to decline an exam - she felt confident in expressing her feelings. She did not argue - she just expressed how she felt - and the medical team in the end respected her choices. Obviously in an emergency situation, she would have proceeded with the medical recommendations. But these were not time sensitive choices.
The birth was peaceful and safe - and everyone was happy. But there were a few times that she quietly declined an exam or starting a procedure because she felt inside that things were changing and her baby was moving closer to the delivery.
I try to encourage families to share in the discussion of decisions - not from a medical standpoint which is generally not their expertise - but from a sense of themselves and their babies. When they feel quietly confident to at least share in the conversation, the decision feels better to everyone. And in the end, they need to trust their medical team to provide a safe delivery.
So when you are facing a decision in labor, share in the conversation with a quiet confidence and you should feel better about the direction of the birth. That is - if the baby cooperates! My hope is for families to have a safe, peaceful birth.
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
Saturday, February 9, 2013
The Cost of a Doula
Recently, several families have mentioned after a birth that having a doula was definitely worth all the money spent. One mom said a doula is worth her weight in gold. In today's market, that's quite a lot!
A birth is a lifetime journey that leaves a lasting memory on families. So if that memory can be smoothed out, supported, ending up in a great memory, what is that worth? A baby is worth the journey - but the journey imprints your memory also.
So what is the memory most families have when they have doula support - usually a good one. That is why I started doing labor support - to help one family at a time leave with a great memory.
I have found over all the years, that even the most reluctant dads who are concerned about the cost of a doula, have felt it was worth every cent after the birth. Why? What does the fee cover?
A doula's fee can range from a donation to several hundred dollars. Each doula is unique in what she offers for that fee. But I feel the biggest part of the fee is that a doula has to live her life on call. It is a difficult way to live but if you really love what you do - you are willing to sacrifice your time and scheduling for that family who needs your support. We never know what doctor's appointment we will miss, family dinner, sleepless night, missed vacation, leaving a movie early....I missed a root canal three times due to births.
The fee covers the prenatal support - a good listening ear when there is emotional support needed, suggestions, referrals, preparing for the birth - all part of a doula's role.
The birth itself - some have taken a few days - being ready to run when the family has a need - phone support 24 hours a day - and physical support during the birth. That is part of a doula's role. We want to support the laboring mom and the laboring dad - and sometimes the laboring grandmother, sister, aunt, friend, etc.
So when you are considering a doula - it is important to consider the cost. But please don't let cost stop you from having a doula. There are so many caring, energetic, responsive women wanting to provide labor support - find one that will be a good fit for you!
A birth is a lifetime journey that leaves a lasting memory on families. So if that memory can be smoothed out, supported, ending up in a great memory, what is that worth? A baby is worth the journey - but the journey imprints your memory also.
So what is the memory most families have when they have doula support - usually a good one. That is why I started doing labor support - to help one family at a time leave with a great memory.
I have found over all the years, that even the most reluctant dads who are concerned about the cost of a doula, have felt it was worth every cent after the birth. Why? What does the fee cover?
A doula's fee can range from a donation to several hundred dollars. Each doula is unique in what she offers for that fee. But I feel the biggest part of the fee is that a doula has to live her life on call. It is a difficult way to live but if you really love what you do - you are willing to sacrifice your time and scheduling for that family who needs your support. We never know what doctor's appointment we will miss, family dinner, sleepless night, missed vacation, leaving a movie early....I missed a root canal three times due to births.
The fee covers the prenatal support - a good listening ear when there is emotional support needed, suggestions, referrals, preparing for the birth - all part of a doula's role.
The birth itself - some have taken a few days - being ready to run when the family has a need - phone support 24 hours a day - and physical support during the birth. That is part of a doula's role. We want to support the laboring mom and the laboring dad - and sometimes the laboring grandmother, sister, aunt, friend, etc.
So when you are considering a doula - it is important to consider the cost. But please don't let cost stop you from having a doula. There are so many caring, energetic, responsive women wanting to provide labor support - find one that will be a good fit for you!
Monday, December 10, 2012
Vacation
Yes, even a doula takes a vacation. I have been involved in attending births for 26 years now. How have I kept myself from getting burned out from my stressful job? I plan two vacations a year.
I have found that it is not enough to just be off-call because if you are in the vicinity and a labor starts, you will still want to attend. if the phone rings with a new inquiry, you are going to take it. mif a client has a question, you are going to respond. So twice a year I call in a backup, make plans with different friends and have a "change of pace" in my schedule. This also gives me something to look forward to, especially if I have attended several very long births in a row.
When I'm entering hour 30 of a labor that still has time to go, I start remembering i have an upcoming trip.
Living life on call 24/7 for months at a time can wear on you, and cause a lot of stress. But having a brief time away with no worry about the phone ringing at 2am can have a refreshing effect. A friend and I recently went to Kauai for 5 days. Not a long trip but many hours were spent just staring at the waves and sand crabs. A definite change of pace!
Of course it is costly to take time off but the other downside can be that you worry you have forgotten how to work through a labor. Tonight I had my first birth after six weeks and was delighted to see that I had not forgotten what to do....and also it was the 795th birth I have attended.
So I guess I have no excuse not to remember how to help.
The next time you are finding yourself in a rut, follow my plan. Have a vacation! I highly recommend it.
I have found that it is not enough to just be off-call because if you are in the vicinity and a labor starts, you will still want to attend. if the phone rings with a new inquiry, you are going to take it. mif a client has a question, you are going to respond. So twice a year I call in a backup, make plans with different friends and have a "change of pace" in my schedule. This also gives me something to look forward to, especially if I have attended several very long births in a row.
When I'm entering hour 30 of a labor that still has time to go, I start remembering i have an upcoming trip.
Living life on call 24/7 for months at a time can wear on you, and cause a lot of stress. But having a brief time away with no worry about the phone ringing at 2am can have a refreshing effect. A friend and I recently went to Kauai for 5 days. Not a long trip but many hours were spent just staring at the waves and sand crabs. A definite change of pace!
Of course it is costly to take time off but the other downside can be that you worry you have forgotten how to work through a labor. Tonight I had my first birth after six weeks and was delighted to see that I had not forgotten what to do....and also it was the 795th birth I have attended.
So I guess I have no excuse not to remember how to help.
The next time you are finding yourself in a rut, follow my plan. Have a vacation! I highly recommend it.
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