When Births Go Right!

I have worked with many families over the years who have a very specific vision of their birth - they have a strong desire to go unmedicated - they are wanting a certain doctor in the group - they don't want dad to be at work 4 hours away when the labor starts - their mom is arriving on a certain date and they want the baby to wait - their mom is arriving on a certain date and they want their baby to come early - etc, etc.

So when everything falls into place, it is such a joy to relive that birth over and over again.  The hazard of memory is that we can be imprinted with the good outcomes from a birth - or we can be imprinted with the bad issues on a birth.  I have always felt that a doula's role is partly to "reframe" the vision.  The fact is that in birth, as in life, there are ALWAYS goods and bads in the experience.  But what do we choose to focus on afterwards.  Isn't it better to keep your eyes on the highlights, rather than the low parts of an experience?  Especially since we live with birth memories for decades?

Recently I've worked with several first time families who achieved the birth goals they had envisioned.  They stayed home for most of the labor - they worked through the contractions well - they were able to go unmedicated which had been their particular goals.  It is so great to see a mom and dad after such a birth excitedly tell their friends/families how amazing the experience was.  Of course, I was at the birth also and there were definitely moments that were difficult but overall their vision is one of accomplishment and joy.  Isn't that how birth should be remembered?

I've worked with some families lately who chose to use an epidural.  They also excitedly tell their birth stories to their friends and families in glowing terms.  But once again - there were definitely low points during the process.   Those points, however, were momentary - whereas the good parts were foremost in their memory - and thus in their story.

What is the common denominator of such births - that go right for whatever their goals and choices were?  I think it is having a doula - who helps a family weigh their options - remind them of questions they might want to ask - guides them through the process so that they feel informed and part of the decisions.  Empowerment can come from different directions - and this can lead to a good experience.

So here's to the next birth that goes right - medicated or unmedicated - and at the end of the day, my hope is always that the family will tell their birth story with a smile on their face and happiness in their heart!

25 Years and Counting

Well today is a very special day for me - 25 years ago today I attended my first birth as a labor assistant.  Over these 25 years I have accompanied hundreds of families through their births.  I've even worked with mothers and daughters in their own births.  It's amazing to see these children grown up - and remember that I was there when they entered the world.

So what have I learned after 25 years.  I started with such a devoted passion that each mom should have an unmedicated birth - it just felt right.  I had experienced that myself 3 times and just knew that any mom who could have an unmedicated birth would be forever changed.  Well, I do still believe that a mom who is able to meet the challenge of labor unmedicated - is profoundly changed. BUT I have also learned that an unmedicated birth is not the right path for every mom. Sometimes the option of medication or interventions are just what is needed for a birth.  And more importantly - no matter how focused a mom is on having an unmedicated birth - babies can change all our plans.  I've seen so many moms work through days of labor only to face the tough decision of a surgical birth - through no fault of their own magnificent effort - it was just the way it was going to have to be to have a safe delivery.

I've also seen time and time again the power a dad plays in the whole process.  His presence is always welcome and needed.  They are the strength of the room in so many ways and it is a joy to see a couple rely on each other to bring their baby into their arms.

I've learned that age can diminish your stamina but not your passion.  I will attend a birth tomorrow, #744, and yet I will be as excited to be there as I was with my first birth.  I feel so comfortable around labor.

Labor is a unique challenge - but one that can be met head on with support and knowledge.  It is a path women are equipped to walk - so the more we can remove the fear from this process - the better off all moms-to-be will be.  A healthy fear of this amazing process is normal. But a dreaded, worried fear of labor needs to be changed through more and more great birth stories.

So - 25 years and counting - thanks for the memories!

When Birth Plans Go Astray

Have you ever seen or written a birth plan with words like "I want to have a natural birth", "Keep the lights low" "I want to be free to change positions" "I don't want to use pitocen"....etc.  Having a birth "goal' is a great start - I think it matters that you have some vision of  your ideal birth.

But have you also written a birth plan and in the end...none of it happened.  Perhaps you felt like it was a waste of time.  You were probably also very disappointed and disillusioned with birth.  Does this mean we should never try to make plans?

Although we can't "plan" birth, we can have some control over certain parts of it.  You have some control over your care provider, you have some control over the support people in the room.  You have some control over the lighting, the music you play, even the clothes you wear. You have some control over positions you try.  You have some control over when you head to the hospital, over the thoughts you are focusing on in labor.

So start with a vision of the birth you would like to have - and then make sure you have great support. And ultimately realize that the baby has the largest vote in the process.  Hopefully some of your vision will be realized - and hopefully you'll leave your birth with a great memory, even if it doesn't exactly match your original "plan".